In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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