Im at strip club and am horny
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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