FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
