There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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