In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
