That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
