After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I will be naked everywhere
Rumble strips road head = magical
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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