dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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