the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
grandma shit on top of the toilet
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
