I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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