so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
