thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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