today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
