So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
