my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
