Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
