So drunk its hurt
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
