You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We don't watch enough power rangers
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
