I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My vagina is very pro this idea
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