**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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