Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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