did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
