Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am naked and annoyed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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