So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
