the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
