Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
