Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
