I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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