Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize