god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
