Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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