white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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