after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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