I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
