my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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