OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
