Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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