I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
