To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
