My nipple is on Facebook.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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