We won't sleep together?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
