Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's always time for handjobs
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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