woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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