Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
