can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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