absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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