Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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