i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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