she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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