went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
