Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
