Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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