She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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