Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So squirting runs in the family.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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